My Happy Ending
by Chandy-girl
Summary: Song fic to Avril Lavigne song - My Happy Ending. Buffy and Spike think about their relationship.


A/N I own nothing. Characters belong to Joss Whedon and the song to Avril Lavigne.

_Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead._

Spike smiled at the ironic lyrics as he heard the song drift over him. He was thinking about him and Buffy and their turbulent relationship. If you could call it a relationship. He really didn't know what it was; it always ended the same way. Her storming out of his crypt angry and confused and he left there alone. But this time the fight was worse than normal; all he wanted was for her to tell him what she wanted from him.

_Was it something I did? Was it something you said?_

"What went wrong this time?" thought Buffy to herself. She didn't know why she always got mad at him, maybe it was the way he could get under her skin so easily. She hated the fact that he kept on telling her that he loved her, she just didn't want to hear it; but the thing she hated the most was the way she always left him again and again and yet always came crawling back to him.

_Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead._

He needed her. That was the crux of it. It didn't matter to him that she couldn't love him, or if she did that she wasn't admitting it to him. All he needed was to be close to her and for those few hours that he was with her, he could pretend that she loved him.

_Held up so high, by such a breakable thread._

He was raised up by such a fragile emotion. Love. It was all love's fault; if it wasn't for that stupid emotion he would be living quite a normal, happy un-dead life. Love was making him feel so strange, happy and sad at the same time, high and low. It was like a rollercoaster and he was trapped on it.

_You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be._

He was meant to be a vampire; an evil, stupid, immoral vampire. She was the slayer; good kind and righteous. She was the slayer and he was the one who had to be slayed. Except he wasn't; because she... Why wasn't he dust? Why couldn't they be mortal enemies? Why couldn't things be simple?

_You were everything, everything that I wanted_

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. _

_And all the memories so close to me, just fade away._

_All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending._

He wanted her. He loved her. He wanted her to love him. As far as he was concerned Buffy was all he needed for him to keep on going, he couldn't imagine what it would have been like if he lost her. He knows that in a cruel twist of fate they were meant to be together, but she can't see that and now it's gone. He remembered when they were enemies but now those memories were being replaced with something more, what they have now, but he couldn't tell if they were better or worse than the ones they replaced. And now she's gone and he'll never know if he'll get what he's always wanted.

_You got your dumb friends, I know what they say._

Her friends weren't too fond of him and he knew that. He knew every time that Harris set eyes on him he wanted to drive a stake through Spike's body. He knew that Giles and Harris had been trying to convince Buffy to get rid of him for a while now, but he didn't care. At least Red and her girlfriend stood up from him sometimes, and at least a few knew how happy he could make Buffy feel.

_They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they._

She knew he thought that she was being difficult but the reason was that she was confused. She didn't understand what was going on between them and a part of her didn't want to. She cursed the fates for ever bringing this down on her and for making her feel like this.

_Do they even know me? Do they even know you?_

Buffy wondered if her friends knew the real her. The whole her. Not only the light, good part but the darker parts of herself, the parts which she hides and hopes no one would notice. He sees her though; he sees the whole of her and it scares and elates her at the same time. She wonders if her friends knew if Spike could make her feel happy and sad and there was more to him that meets the eye.

_All the things that you talk about, all the shit that you do._

He knew that they were all good; they were all trying to make the world a better place. He knew that they talked about everything together; they were so close to each other, he just wished he could be that close to her. She knew that he was evil, but not anymore. He knew he was now trying to change, to make a difference. But she also knew that he had his moments when he acted like what he was - a vampire, and then those moments brought her crashing down to Earth.

_You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be._

She thought she understood relationships – Riley and Angel were so simple compared to what she had now. She didn't understand this; she's lost control of everything.

_You were everything, everything that I wanted_

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. _

_And all the memories so close to me, just fade away._

_All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending._

Part of her knew that she needed him, the other part refused to believe it. She didn't understand the Powers or any of that magic crap. She wished that they could be something else, something better than they were. She needed to see him, she needed him to understand. She needed to understand. They both needed to stop lying to themselves and to each other.

_It's nice to know that you were there_

"Thank you for being with me," she said.

"What are we doing?"

"Talking. Something we always needed to do. Be honest."

"Fine but you may not like what you hear. You first."_  
Thanks for acting like you cared_

"Thanks for loving me. I guess after all I've been through I needed it."_  
And making me feel like I was the only one_

"Yeah, thanks forreminding me that you never loved me and it's always been Captain Forehead and I was just 'convenient'" he said sarcastically._  
It's nice to know we had it all_

"We were much more than that and you know it."_  
Thanks for watching as I fall_

"You just watched me drown in my love and pain, Buffy! You think nothing of me."_  
And letting me know we were done_

"I think everything of you and just because you think we are over doesn't mean we are."

_He was everything, everything that I wanted_

"Huh?"

"Spike I need you, to keep me going. I can't love you now, but maybe in the future I could."

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. _

"That's all I needed to hear."

_And all the memories so close to me, just fade away._

"Hey I know this song," said Buffy softly.

"Its kinda been us for the last few days."

"Can we forget about them?"

He laughed, "If you want to, but this has been more difficult for me than it has for you, Buffy," he tilted her face, "I knew loving you would never be easy but you're stuck with it, you're stuck with me."

"I know," she whispered.

_All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending._

"We may never get it, you know."

"Get what?"

"Our happy ending."

"But we can try."

A/N. Please review. 


End file.
